The Top Ten Reasons It Sucks to be Single in the Church

a preview of my article for the NCYAMA newsletter:

Being single, my only hope for some chocolates for Valentine’s Day is a generous second grader.  But a lack of sugary goodness is, by far, the least of my concerns; it seems that everyone at my church has a heightened awareness of my single-ness, and wants to cure this plague cast upon me.  While I’m sure my fellow parishioners mean well, there’s a chance this match maker syndrome will lead to my demise—days later I’ll be found rocking on a kneeler, tearing apart the hymnal page by page.   Rather than succumb to this pressure, I have comprised a top ten list of the reasons it sucks to be single in the Church…let’s commiserate.

10. Everyone has an awkward nephew that they are just certain you’ll hit it off with.  They forget to mention that said nephew is completely incapable of holding an intelligible conversation, and picks his nose.

9. The president of Parish Council inconspicuously moves to sit next to you after communion to rather conspicuously point out the new guy in the back row who looks about your age.  He could be the one, you know.

8. “You don’t have to pick up your kids from school, so you can just stay for the meeting tonight, right?  And come in on Saturday?”

7. At least 50% of the young adults you try to minister to have asked you out.

6. “I work for the Church,” isn’t a good pick up line.

5. Whether people are glad you’re “taking your time,” or they tell you “not to worry because you’ll find someone great soon,” being single is all they ask you about.

4. No, I don’t plan on becoming a nun, but thanks for asking. Again.

3. That old couple who always sits in the front row asks if you’d like to join them for brunch...out of pity.

2. When you go out on a date with someone, coworkers start hinting about marriage prep and asking if they should mark their calendars.

1. You inevitably run into the parish gossip on your first date, who starts countless rumors. See number 2.

After this awful awful play by play of last weekend, I am tempted to post a nice little article about dating—something light and fluffy and maybe a link to catholicmatch.com.  However, I am a young woman who has far more to her life than dating, so, instead, I thought I’d focus on me a little bit and share this sweet video.  One of five kids, I was not used to being alone, and it scared the hell out of me when I first moved out of the house.  But I’m starting to like my hanging-out-with-me time; it even helps me deal with aunts of nose-picking nephews.  Sometimes.