self-compassion

A very admirable person in my life has an often-used phrase that I am in the process of stealing/adopting: "...and that's ok."  Here's an example.  To describe Chuck Berry playing guitar at age 84, he said, "He didn't hit a single correct note...and that's ok."  I think it's kind of like giving ourselves permission to be human...something I need to practice.

I tend to be pretty darn hard on myself.  When something doesn't go just perfectly, I feel awful.  I constantly worrying about how other people are doing things better than I am: being more open and accessible to friends and kids, keeping a cleaner house, reaching more youth and families, eating more healthily, saving more money, training their dogs more successfully...the list goes on and on.  It can leave me feeling quite overwhelmed and inadequate.

As Bob McCarty describes it, I am a "Lone Ranger."  I feel like I have to do it all, by myself, all the time, perfectly.  And, when something does prove difficult for me, when I have bad days or when I'm just darn tired, I would rather push through, stay up all night, and forget to eat for two days, or give up, let the dog pee on the floor, and leave myself to be even more overwhelmed the next day, rather than even think of admitting that I am struggling, worn out, or might need a little help.

This isn't exactly healthy.

Now, obviously, I don't have all the answers; I'm still a work in progress, for sure.  For those of you who know me, you know that I often over-schedule, over-commit...and over-achieve, too.  But lately, I've really been working on it (with varying success), and here are some practices I've found helpful:

• When it's sunny outside, put off the dishes and play with the puppy.
• Sorting the laundry, doing the laundry, and folding the laundry are three separate to-do list items.
• Keep a "resume" of accomplishments that you are proud of.
• Have a glass of wine when you come home, because, damnit, you like wine. Or coffee.
• Sometimes, just picking up the dog poop off the floor can make the rest of the list seem a lot more achievable.

Reading through the NCCL newsletter, I found this link (click the picture below) to a self-compassion test.  As it mentions, we sometimes might need to be reminded to love ourselves as our neighbors instead of the other way around.  Just going through these questions was a nice reminder to cut myself some slack every now and again.  It takes all of two minutes and might spark some light bulbs in your head, as well.

As I am writing this, I can't help but think of everything else I should be doing, the work that I will pour over this week, that email I should have sent, and the laundry I left on the floor that a better person would have already done by now.  Obviously I still have a lot of work to do on my self-compassion...and that's ok.